My Anne of Green Gables Obsession

The books on the shelf are worn and thumbed through. I can’t say how many times I’ve read them or how many times I’ve watched the movies. It’s not an obsession, but more like an old friend that I have to see every once in a great while. I don’t even remember enjoying the books half as much as I do now back when I first read them. Something about growing up made me understand them more.

Anne of Green Gables has been a dear old friend.

Don’t you love finding books that grow with you? Instead of leaving them in the past with your childhood.

I don’t know who hasn’t read Anne of Green Gables and not liked it, but I tend to take things to extremes and dwell in them for a time before dropping them and never thinking about them again. To say the least, my obsessions don’t really go away, but rather resurface once in a while. I get all sentimental about them to be honest. Especially this one.

But I won’t cry! I think I’ve gotten sentimental enough on this dear old WordPress. It’s time to lighten the mood a little!

So why should everyone love Anne of Green Gables?

Anne of course! Her odd little ways, her big words, and oh so many quotable quotes. But really, all credit must go to the writer L.M. Montgomery. I find it amazing that one can create an entire world of characters and places and events all in their imagination and put it down onto paper. I have a good imagination, but words…oh my! I have lost count of how many times I decided to become a novelist and write a book and then give up after a couple pages because it no longer made sense anymore…or it does make sense, but not to anyone else.

It’s hard writing a story, especially when you want to get to all the exciting parts. Like when the boy says he loves the girl, or the hero of the story finally becomes the hero. So is life I suppose…you have to get through all the boring parts before you get to the exciting parts because the exciting parts wont be exciting if you don’t to go through some sort of trial in order to get to them.

Hmm…where was I?

Oh yes, Anne with an E.

And then there is Gilbert.

Forget Darcy.

“Perhaps, after all, romance did not come into one’s life with pomp and blare, like a gay knight riding down; perhaps it crept to one’s side like an old friend through quiet ways; perhaps it revealed itself in seeming prose, until some sudden shaft of illumination flung athwart its pages betrayed the rhythm and the music, perhaps. . . perhaps. . .love unfolded naturally out of a beautiful friendship, as a golden-hearted rose slipping from its green sheath.” – Anne of Avonlea

So poetic *sigh*

I could quote these books to death…but I won’t. Maybe I’ve made you want to pick them up again and thumb through them like I do on occasion. Maybe you haven’t read them…and I have to say, I envy you. Being able to read a book for the first time is something you can’t do again.

So here is a fanvid that I’m in love with on the two movies that I’ve watched oh so many times (and yes, fanvids are another obsession of mine, but more on that later…or never).

Threshold

Another year is coming to a close.

How can everything be so different yet so much the same?

As much that has happened this year, there really isn’t much to say about it.

365 days have gone by and yet…I am still me. Socially awkward and temperamental Trudi.

I feel like as soon as the clock strikes midnight I will lose something.

The sense of security, perhaps? You get so comfortable in the year that you are in that before you know it, it’s time to say goodbye.

But I can’t say I’ll miss it. The next year is full of such mystery, enticing me to come hither. Maybe that is what makes 2015 (and every other new year) so exciting. The unknown of it all.

It’s a little frightening.

But I know everything will be okay. That is the hope that we cling to. That no matter how screwed up and messy life gets, it will all be okay in the end.

Oh, life is so unutterable sweet sometimes and then it’s in the “depths of despair” and then it’s okay again and then nothing happens and then everything happens at once.

I feel as if I’m on the threshold of something and I don’t know what it is. All the dust is crowding on all the things that I loved. I feel as if adolescence is truly behind me and now I’m an adult. I’m stepping into an empty room and I’m not sure what to put there.

So much hope springs from the unknown. The idea of greatness; the expectation that softens the blow as reality hits.

All these sweet, sad goodbyes are making me nostalgic. All the times I spent mulling over my future plans, I didn’t really enjoy the year as much as I should have. I forgot to make more memories. Instead I was too busy trying to achieve all these goals. Trying to be all impressive when in the end I only ended up straining myself and falling into anxiety and stress.

I guess, as I step over this threshold and the clock strikes midnight…I’m not going to wish for a better year, but a better me. The only thing I can change is myself.

So, I’ll raise my sparkling glass of grape juice to the New Year and I’ll see you all in 2015.

“Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.”- Brad Paisley

For Blue Skies

I realize that most of my deep revelations come while I’m driving in my car. I don’t know why, but my thoughts run rampant at stop lights.

I was driving in my car on my way home from school, there was a lot of traffic, which is kind of annoying, but nevertheless, you see people walking along the streets and sitting in a car beside you and ahead of you and it just hits you like this…

Complete strangers, each with a soul and stories that you will never know about. Each with lives that keep on continuing as they make that turn onto the interstate, driving off to who knows where.

People we don’t know, tend to be thought of as the props in our own personal plays.

We walk among strangers and don’t even glimpse their faces.

And that is sad.

Every week I sit in classes and listen to my teachers talk a mile a minute about our bodies and what they are made of and how they work. Never does it come up that we are more then just skin and bones; made up of multiple systems (each far too complex to not be made by a creator by the way). Don’t even get me started with my Psych class.

Never does anyone say anything about our souls and how they desperately need saving.

Maybe I have come to realize that our hearts beat for many things in this life and how insignificant everything is when our hearts beat for only those things…

Money. Title. Lovers. Worldly belongings. Fame. Approval from our so-called peers. Academic success.

In the end it matters only for who these worn and heavy hearts beat for.

For who do these souls belong too?

When I start thinking about all these souls and hearts…it causes me to search my own and ask myself what my heart is beating for?

Because lately, I have felt lost, worn, tired…and just empty. I feel as if I’m in this ring boxing at air. I’m not sure what I’m fighting against, I just have to keep swinging my arms.

The fact is, I know what my heart is beating for. It’s beating for selfish things. It’s only beating for myself.

It shouldn’t be.

I think about my academic success and career choices and finds myself thinking “which one will give me glory.”

And the fact is, that the more I think about my own personal gain and how I can obtain these things that I want in life…the harder it becomes to achieve them.

I’ve been trying so hard this semester between work and school…and to be honest, bitterness started to set in.

And maybe it all came to a head when the snow started falling and I skidded into the ditch on my way to town one dark Saturday evening and I sat there in the car feasting on all my bitterness; stressing out, and wanting to burst into a flood of angry tears.

Then some guys in a tractor pulled up, hitched my car up with a chain and pulled me out of the ditch then drove away.

I didn’t even have a chance to say thank you.

All these souls…all these hearts beating…

For who do they belong to you?

Jesus.

We can only be saved by a constant, always loving Savior.

Constant. That word has such warmth and safety.

Because no matter what, He will always be there.

Oh, how little it all matters when you strip away all life’s fineries and worldly accomplishments and day to day hardships and you find Jesus in the crowd of regrets, sadness, mistakes and expectations never met.

He’s a light, you know. Shining on all the messes that we make in this life and loving us despite everything.

It’s just crazy.

How much Jesus can love despite all flaws, beyond what you deserve. Loving you endlessly.

And He loves not just one person, but every single soul and heart beating in this world, as if they were the only one person He died for.

Choices

We all have choices to make; everyday. Some choices may be easy, insignificant, and small. Those are the best kind. They don’t change your course in life, one way or another; the choice doesn’t really matter. Your still you, and your still safe from the word change.

The big choices, the important, hard, life changing ones. Now those are difficult. Like what college major you should choose, or deciding to love someone, or deciding if you should move out and be an adult.

These big decisions are painful, and you can’t make them with the most certainty, because there is too much unknown.

I came across this quote a while ago. I thought it was slightly strange at first, but it gave me a new idea. Loving is a choice we make, even accepting love is a choice. We seem to think love is just an overwhelming feeling inside of us. But what happens when that overwhelming feeling ceases?

“He loved her, of course. But better then that, he chose her. Day after day. Choice: that was the thing.” – Sherman Alex

Some choices need to be made everyday. Some choices aren’t just once. It seems like this world keeps making choices less permanent. Like when we love someone, and we marry that person, and then one day you wake up and you think “I just don’t have that feeling anymore, the love is gone between us, we’ve changed.”

Choice…that was the thing.

Everyday we have to keep deciding if we want to keep loving someone when that overwhelming feeling is gone.

Everyday we can make the choice to stay asleep with our dreams or go out and chase them.

Everyday we have so many choices.

I sometimes feel like I’m drowning in an overwhelming ocean of options and I don’t know which to choose. I’m frantically trying to take hold of this ship I’m in and steer myself in the right direction, when I end up on a deserted island most of the time.

But when I give up all my cares to Jesus, I find that it’s really not so hard to figure out what choices I should make in this life.

So, I choose Him above everything else. To be honest, if I only choose Jesus, then every other choice I make will be with confidence. Because I choose Him, everyday. I choose to keep loving Him, even when the road seems long and my shoulders ache with every weight full of choices and too many options.

I choose Him because He loved me when I was unloveable. I choose Him because when I was unreachable, He reached for me.

I choose You today Jesus, because no other choice makes sense, if my choice isn’t You first.

Random Rambling

Ah, life is good, and wonderful, and when your driving home late at night from work, thanking Jesus for such a wonderful and beautiful life, even though you had to work late, and your completely sore from all the lifting and bending you had to do that day, and even though your gas tank is almost empty again, even though you just filled it a couple days ago, your still completely happy.

Because I’m happy. For no reason, just despite every worry and deep down fear, I am happy just because.

This week I went to the Mall of America, and shopped till the idea of looking at anything with a price tag was revolting.

I went to a concert in Downtown Minneapolis with OneRepublic, The Script, and American Authors. I didn’t get any good pictures, and all of my videos are ruined by my horrible singing, and the camera is tilted the wrong way.

But that’s okay, because it was still the best concert I’ve ever been too, and I can’t even listen to “I Lived” by OneRepublic without crying my eyes out because I love them so much and want to go back to that Tuesday night and sing along with them again.

This is my only good picture of OneRepublic :( — This is my only good picture of OneRepublic 😦

When I got home on Wednesday, my sister and I went to a cafe downtown with our dear friend Kat, who is leaving for the summer and then going back to New York.

Then on Thursday, I had to work all day. Which was fine…except I wanted to go outside and play in the rain, but of course, that isn’t acceptable behavior…especially when your at work. So I sat and stuffed curly fries depressingly in my mouth while at lunch and yes…I used three packs of mayo for dipping sauce because ranch costs money and I already spent a dollar extra to put lettuce and tomato on my sandwich.

Not like you need to know that.

The next day I had to go to the hospital and do rehabilitation for my job, in which they make you watch a video on proper back care, and then you have to go down into the creepy basement of the building and lift and push things and do squats.

I’m still really sore.

Then I went to the mall with my mom and lil sister, and I was spontaneous and got doubles in my ears. Waste of money? Probably. Confidence boost? Yes.

Then I went to work.

And now we are back to the beginning of this rather drawn out and unnecessary post.

Another My Obsession post is in the works and who knows what else will happen. Life is crazy busy right now.

~ Tru

Health Report

Yes, I am well aware that it is 1:00 AM. Don’t judge me; I had two cups of coffee for no particular reason other then the fact that I wanted to…and I’m slightly hungry but too lazy to eat and I probably should go to bed.

Yeah, but who cares.

I’m just YOLO-ing it up these days and I decided that sleep isn’t necessary unless you are sick, which is what I basically spent my entire weekend doing.

Sleeping and being sick that is.

I had a cold/flu.

Just to let everyone know, waking up to the feeling of barf coming up your throat and reeling over the side of the couch at 5:00 AM is not what I call a good morning. I know you don’t need specific details of me barfing, so I’ll spare you the mental image (if I haven’t already given you one that is).

So anyways, I missed two days of work and for the first time in forever (I know you were singing that song from Frozen in your head as you read that) I have four days off from everything.

It’s going to be so hard going back to work because I’m really enjoying not working. Who would of thought!

Despite the fact of barfing and having a sore throat and just feeling altogether awful and gross, I really enjoyed being sick. Like, I LOVE watching Netflix and sitting around in my PJs all day. I mean, that is seriously living the life for me.

I love being lazy way too much. I love drinking Throwback Pepsi and eating soup and crackers. I love sleeping in till 1:00 PM even if my entire day is basically gone by the time I wake up.

But alas! I can’t be sick forever, and being lazy won’t pay my bills (sadly, I really wish I did though).

Anyways, that was just a random health report for you all. I’m sure you were all dying to know.

I apologize to all of the people that got sick because of me. I’ll try to quarantine myself next time 🙂

– Trudi

My Pride & Prejudice Obsession

I’m going to admit to one of my flaws. Get ready…it’s coming…

I have never actually read Pride & Prejudice by Jane Austen.

I know…*sigh*…I’ve read Sense & Sensibility, Emma, Mansfield Park, Northanger Abbey, skipped Persuasions (because nobody wants to read that one), but never got around to reading Pride & Prejudice. Why you ask? BECAUSE I WATCHED THE MOVIE.

No, not the 2 hour long movie, no offense to all you Keira Knightley fans, but the 6 episode BBC Pride & Prejudice with Colin Firth. Every time I still get over joyed when Darcy and Elizabeth stare at each from the across the room and the sparks of complete admiration and love fly everywhere.

So, what did I do last night when I should have been working on a persuasive speech about cheese? I went on the glorious Youtube and skimmed through six 1 hour long episodes of Pride & Prejudice to find my favorite parts with Darcy and Lizzie…and yes, it did take three hours.

Halfway through my escapade, I looked at Hope, who was sitting across the room, and noted how nice it would be if we went to a dance party and she ended up with a Bingley (because she automatically is Jane, even if she wasn’t the eldest, she would always be Jane) and I would be Lizzie, seething over how “Intolerably rude Mr. Darcy is and blinded by his prejudice for poor people because HE WOULDN’T DANCE WITH ME.”

But alas! My family’s last name isn’t Bennet and my name isn’t Lizzie. But trust me, Hope will end up with a modern day version of Bingley if I have anything to say about it.

Hey, maybe I’ll find a Mr. Darcy and we will get this dream come true of a wedding…

I can’t help but think it would be nice to marry a rich single man who lived in such a place as Pemberley…but that only happens in books, and by the way, Jane Austen was single till her death at 41…so that’s what happens when you write romance novels and make too high of expectations for men.

But my time wasn’t just spent on Pride & Prejudice last night. I was up til 1:30 AM watching The Lizzie Bennet Diaries.

Yes, it is a modern day version of Pride & Prejudice, so yeah, I did spend my entire night watching P&P.

The Lizzie Bennet Diaries is about Lizzie Bennet running a video blog of her rather messed up and comical life. Yeah, that’s basically it, and it’s all based on the book.

But it’s funny and I’m obsessed with it, so go and watch all 100 episodes! 🙂 YAY!

Okay is Okay

I’ve been so busy, that I feel as if my life has become a metronome. Bouncing back and forth in a steady, fast pace. I’m trying to match the rhythm, but I’m not very good at it. It’s boring to be honest and life has been going by too fast. I’m so busy focusing on the rhythm of the metronome that I don’t have time to enjoy the music.

I’m so busy going back and forth I can’t move forward. Time just passes so quick that it’s impossible to step outside the rhythm.

But there are days that step outside the metronome. The high notes interacting with the low ones. The bright sunny days that make you feel as if the world is okay. The days when you accomplish more then you expected. That A on a test that proves to you that you’re smarter then you think. Those moments of unexplainable joy that shout out into the void of monthly payments, minimum wage jobs and piles upon piles of homework, saying “life is more then a constant struggle.” because honestly, it feels that it is sometimes…the constant struggle to be better, think harder, and to be more then you can possibly be.

As sad as I am sometimes, life really isn’t so bad. I didn’t say it was good but its okay. Maybe okay is enough, maybe to be just okay is our whim of hope, maybe it’s our fate. Okay may be all that we are and ever will be. I think it’s alright is we just settle for okay. I know, why not try to settle for wonderful or even plain old good. But let’s be honest, this is a sad world, full of sad people. Being okay is fine. We don’t need to be anything other then that. I think we get so caught up in the act of finding complete and flawless happiness that we don’t realize the tiny bits of it that happen each day. We cry, we laugh, we go through the motions. One day is going to really tick you off and the next day is going to be sunshine and rainbows…and you know what? That’s okay. It’s like I said before, life isn’t perfect but it wasn’t meant to be. God created Adam and Eve and knew they would sin. He knew that He would have to send His ONLY SON to die for us.

Though life at the moment may be a metronome, it’s a grand sweet song. It may not be a number one hit on the Billboard Top 100 but that’s okay. My song is the sighs of a classroom; the clicking of the register at work; the sound of the coffee pot dripping in the morning; my car that makes strange noises, and the silence in the house as I go to sleep. It’s not amazing, nor wonderful…and I know it could be better, but right now it is what it is, and I’m okay with that.

Acts of Getting By: Scene 1

I woke up at 7:00 AM after my alarm clock(s) went of at 5:45, 6:00, and 6:30. Then my sister woke me up because her alarm clock went off at 7:00. Isn’t that sad? Four alarm clocks and I still need someone to wake me up. My first reaction when she said I have a class at 8:00 AM was “I DO NOT!” And then I was forced to get ready in thirty minutes because it takes thirty minutes (calculated precisely) to get to my 8:00 AM class…which is almost impossible when you’re half awake and your a girl. The first step is trying to figure out what to wear. You don’t want to look trashy, but it’s 8:00 in the morning and you just don’t really care. Yoga pants? Sure, why not. But then you have to decide on what shirt to wear…another long process of thinking and rummaging through your drawers…and then you get to the bathroom *dun dun dun* the battle between should you wear makeup or just go looking like you got hit by a bus sets in. Of course, being a girl, you always wonder the what if and you decide to try to look decent because you never know what the day may bring.

Take in mind, I’m stumbling around the house like a drunk person.

Now, it’s winter time, which means you have to start your car ahead of time so it doesn’t stall on you while your trying to back it out of the driveway (this is personal experience talking here). There is also snow, so you need to clear your windows off (which by the way, I have bird poop all over my car, so I was trying to scrap that off by dipping my wiper stick in the snow).

In the end, I got to class one minute late and still got there on time because the teacher hadn’t come yet and we were all standing awkwardly in the hall for five minutes because we were locked out of the classroom.

By the way, something bit me in my sleep. I think I have a spider in my bed.

Anyways, I didn’t have time to make coffee in the morning, so after class I went to Starbucks and tried not hit anyone while driving downtown (this is actually a really hard thing not to do…not saying a want to hit them, it’s just hard trying to avoid not hitting them…you get what I’m saying).

Speaking of which, a week ago I went into the ditch on my way home from school, and then I rear-ended someone while backing out of a parking lot (it may or may not have been my fault…we will never know). To say the least, I’m slowly becoming a not so reckless driver…trying not to be anyways. I thought I backed over someone in my school parking lot a couple nights ago but it turned out it was just the snow crunching underneath my tires. Paranoid? I think yes.

So, I went to Starbucks, then I went back to school. I tried eating my chocolate croissant while driving…but that was a mess. I had crumbs in my scarf and I decided that scarves are like beards for girls.

That was my morning in a nutshell. Sorry that this ended up being the most boring thing you’ve ever read, but hey, it’s my life and I’m just getting by.

This is the beginning of Acts of Getting By, there will be more scenes to come. But in other news, a long awaited for My Obsessions post is in the works 😉

~ Trudi

Heartbreak and Triumph: The Olympics

Let’s be honest with ourselves. As we watched Shaun White take his final run on the half-pipe, whether we were rooting for him or not, we all held our breath.

When Shaun White finished his final run and held his hands up, you could see the tears welling up in his eyes, and yes, maybe a few tears came to my own as I watched the TV screen, because expectation takes it’s toll on even the very best and sometimes being the underdog is better. Shaun White, who everyone expected to win or least get silver or bronze, ended his final run in fourth and came away from the Olympics for the first time ever with no gold, and even more shockingly, no medal at all.

Patrick Chan, the Canadian three-time World Champion, who has been dominating Men’s Figure Skating for the last four years leading up to the Sochi Olympics was the favorite to win gold. When Yuzuru Hanyu left the door wide open in his free skate with not one but two falls, everyone watched as Patrick Chan slowly closed the door on himself with a couple stumbles and landed himself in second. Second is good…but sometimes it’s just not good enough.

Shani Davis won two gold medals in the 1000 meter in Speed Skating and was looking to make another gold at his third Olympics. When he took to the ice and couldn’t get up to speed and ended up in 8th place, he blamed his suit…which, maybe would have shaved a second or two off his time, but certainly wouldn’t have gotten him on the podium. Maybe Shaun White and Shani Davis should have quit while they were still wanted. Like a well-loved television series that says goodbye when they know they will be missed.

Because it just wasn’t meant to be. Shani Davis and Shaun White were not meant to become three-time gold medalist. Patrick Chan was not meant to get his gold (still torn up about that one to be honest).

When Kim Yuna took to the ice for her final competitive skate in the Women’s Free Skate, the pressure and weight of South Korea was on her shoulders…though you could barely tell with her flawless performance. After all, she led in the short program, and maybe skated better then she did four years ago when she won gold. She should have won gold in Sochi, but instead placed second after an under the radar Adelina Sotnikova placed herself in first. Kim Yuna announced her retirement right afterwards and like in everything, she gracefully bowed out.

When Scott Moir and Tessa Virtue placed second in Ice Dancing, failing to win back to back gold medals.

dynamic_resize — They are beautiful together. They should just get married for pete’s sake.

It’s heartbreaking and sometimes it’s not fair, but maybe the Olympics aren’t about fairness, maybe it’s more about acceptance and learning the lesson again and again that life just isn’t fair, no matter how hard you work for what you want, no matter how much you want it, sometimes you just don’t get it.

But through all the heartbreak, there is also triumph.

When the US beat Russia in a shootout after the eighth round in Ice Hockey.

When Noelle Pikus-Pace won silver in Women’s Skeleton after having two children and retiring from the sport.

When three fine American men swept the podium in gold, silver, and bronze in Ski Slopstyle.

1392289346000-USP-Olympics-Freestyle-Skiing-Men-s-Ski-Slopestyl-011 — We grow em’ right, don’t we?

When David Wise, a 23 year old husband and father, won his first Olympic gold in freestyle skiing.

Fact: David Wise is a Christian and wants to become a pastor.

When Charlie White and Meryl Davis won the first Olympics gold for the United States in Ice Dancing.

Why do we love the Olympics so much? Because it’s the most dramatic two weeks out of every two years. Sports are the rawest reality we will ever watch on TV to be honest.

The next time the Winter Olympics will be on, I’ll be 22 year old. Who knows where I’ll be in the next four years. Four years ago, I never would have thought I would be where I am today.

Who knows where the next four years will take these athletes, but for some it’s time to say a sad goodbye. Goodbye to the athletes like Kim Yuna and Scott Moir and Tessa Virtue…who gave us performances we will re-watch on Youtube and in ten years tell our kids about, just like our parents do when they talk about the Miracle on Ice, or Sergei Grinkov and Ekaterina Gordeeva.

So goodbye to the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia. See you in South Korea in four years, where we will watch old record be broken, new faces emerge, and veterans return.