Category: A Day In The Life

A Box of “Junk”

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I noticed my big hat box up in my closet was starting to get full as I absentmindedly peaked inside. Surely I can get rid of some stuff in this box without having to upgrade.

I decided to open it up and rummage through it to see if something was worth keeping or throwing in the trash.

The funny thing is – this box…in a way has become somewhat of a diary.

A rusty old penny lays at the bottom; a piece of a cracker jacks box sits beside it, and a mask that lay on top is broken in pieces – if a stranger found this box they wouldn’t know what to do with it. If anything they would think someone was a pack rat, but the only person that knows what everything means is the person that put them there in the first place…which is me.

There are pieces of confetti thrown throughout because I grabbed handfuls and put them in my pockets at the end of a Big Time Rush concert back when I was a young teen. There is an old Chinese take out menu and sticky notes with ineligible handwriting scribbled on them. An assortment of movie tickets, birthday cards and notes for the sake of because. College acceptance letters and deans list notices of congratulations.

It’s not the things though – it’s what they represent. The people I was with. Or what I was doing at that moment in time.

And the funny thing is not all of the things in this box represent really “good” memories. Some of them make me a little teary eyed when I hold them in my hand. It’s a flash back. A moment that gets remembered. And then vanishes away with some relief.

Although some of the things in here are pretty cool and sentimental. It’s the things that are so ordinary and trivial in this box that are the things I hold onto the most.

Those Russian rubles? Yeah, they need to be exchanged for some actual spendable dollar bills.

That converse sneaker? My first key chain when I got my permit that proudly hung the keys to my parent’s minivan.

Notes from little campers who thought I was somewhat cool.

That name tag from my nursing assistant days.

That photo album? Yeah, I got a disposable camera for Christmas and proceeded to use up all the film in the course of one day. Lots of action packed moments in there featuring my sisters and our hamster Freddie.

This box makes me miss adolescence but it also reminds me of all the growth I have gone through and the love I received and keep receiving.

So when the need for a bigger box arises so be it. I’ll keep putting my odd little momentums inside as the years ago by…maybe I’ll upgrade to a trunk.

I do want to say though, next time you feel like you’re small and unwanted – don’t. Look inside your metaphorical box (or physical or heck start one…I don’t know) and remember all the people that care so much about you and all the blessings and love Christ has given you.

That’s all for now.

Love,

Trudi

Retweeting Myself

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DISCLAIMER: I have been off twitter for a year and I just recently downloaded the app back onto my phone. My original intention for staying off twitter has become very clear in rereading my juvenile tweets.  I have decided to reply to my younger self…and also pick up tweeting again. 

This was on a day in which I wanted to fall into solidarity and never leave my bed. I also had an unhealthy obsession with royalty and thought I would marry Prince Harry one day. Curse you Megan.

Haha, now you WISH you didn’t relate to them all at. FYI: I Have Questions by Camila Cabelo is such a depressingly great song. Also Hell No by Ingrid Michaelson.

Trudi, no. You deal with whatever it was in a healthy way. If you have learned anything in life, whatever you bury will inevitable resurface. I don’t even know what I was burying…it was probably something to do with my cats.

Literally the ONE time in the past four years that I watched the Today Show. Poor Katie, she probably was just nervous but some insignificant 21 year old decided to bash her on twitter to her 50 followers. I have impact people! (not really…).

Still relevant to this day. I’m one of those people that will inhale all the breadsticks from Olive Garden and just as we are about ready for the check, I’ll ask for another basket to take home.

This was the worst exam of my life. I had 75% of my final grade riding on this one exam. This was also the same week I had four finals every single day at 7AM…in snowy negative degree weather. I did pass the class though…barely.

I tweeted this because I had deleted my Snapchat account. Literally a couple weeks later I downloaded it again. So much for that self established importance.

Why did you feel the need to tweet this? I actually remember sitting there thinking about how my thighs basically expand massively when I sit down and how I was surprised I could fit in my seat still.

Still relevant…but I probably was melting down over a test. Not relevant anymore. Ha. ha. #graduated #adult #whyamiusinghashtags

Going to a big University has it’s perks, but it also was incredibly lonely. I remember during my breaks between classes, I would buy a snack in the library cafeteria and go sit in my car playing sad music and thinking how pathetic my life was.

Some things never change. Pumpkin Spice is life.

I just want to know what I was wearing…

Can’t stop pretending. But the sad part is I’m poorer now than I was then.

Well…he did get married. But not to me. I had to unfollow…it still hurts honestly.

And honestly…it just keeps getting more painful as the tweets gets older, so I’m going to just spare us both.

The Two Decade Roommate.

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Now a month ago, I got rid of my acrylic paints and brushes that I had bought the same day I had taken out my first car loan. It was on a whim and I was 17 years old. I had high hopes of becoming an artist but lacked the talent, so alas! After almost 4 years of being cooped up in a box with my “stamp” collection (another failed attempt of me being “crafty”), I decided to say goodbye and blessed my Mom with a present of old textbooks, paints and brushes.

I’ve been feeling slightly sentimental of late, which is probably what has been stopping me from getting rid of more stuff that I have stowed away in boxes. All my old class notes, writings of mine (and Hope’s that I found on the wayside, meant for the trash can), and other sentimentalities, like a piece of a cracker jacks box and a rusty old penny, I keep hidden away. Sometimes I hate my memories and try desperately to forget something or some person existed, but I hold on for dear life to the insignificant and happy.

But then comes goodbye.

My roommate of 20 years is moving out. I caught myself looking forlornly across the room at her socks scattered on the floor and her messed up bed and chided myself.

She’s only moving how many minutes away.

I’m both happy and sad. Sad for me, happy for her. Happy for more space but scared to be alone. She’s my big sister, my best friend despite all that we have been through. I love her to pieces, and now goodbye is coming.

At times it felt like we would be stuck together forever. Now, no more fighting over who has to clean the bathroom. No more hounding you to clean up your side of the room and for heaven’s sake, throw your dirty socks in the laundry. No more spitefully dusting my half of the dresser and leaving your side untouched. No more inconsiderate moaning as I come in late from work or from a long night of studying. No more late night talks about life before we fall asleep.  I remember when we were little and all the ridiculous bedtimes stories you would tell me. We would laugh and laugh….but somewhere down the road we stopped being so silly. Even though we still have our good times. Somewhere between graduation and college, we found different interests, jobs and friends. We wanted to stop living in each others shadows, I guess. Which is understandable, but still hard nonetheless. I remember how many times I thought I had been replaced as we grew up. It seemed at times that you were always too far gone for me to reach, that you never wanted to hang out with me because I was just your little sister. You would then go find other “sisters” who were the same age as me, yet somehow more mature in your eyes. I have to admit, at times I would be jealous…and cared way too much about what you were doing.  But then one point came when I stopped living in comparison and stopped being jealous. I decided to be me, and let you be you.

But that just grew a wider gap between us.

But we always shared a room.

I could always count on you being there at the end of the day. We didn’t even have to talk or say one word to each other. There was just comfort in knowing that we couldn’t be entirely apart because our beds were only a few feet from each other.

But now there is nothing to keep us from growing apart. Now there will be more space for us both to stretch…but somehow I can’t quite picture room without you in it. How will it feel to come home and you not being there? I probably won’t notice at first. After all, we have gone a couple weeks apart. But after a month, and then the next…it will probably dawn on me that you really aren’t going to be my forever roommate, but that we will really did have a time limit and now I’m all alone with more space to put my things, but my heart will be overcrowded with lonesomeness.

Ah, look at me getting all sappy. It’s not like your moving a million miles away. Geez. Pull yourself together Trudi.

I’ll miss you Hope. I hope we grow closer and our sisterly love will only grow stronger. I just want you to know, contrary to your opinion, that I am impressed by you. I am so blessed to have you as my older sister. You may not like the first born status, but you’ve made my life easier by being so. You’ve showed me the ropes of college. You went through all the firsts and paved a path that I sometimes chose to follow. Heehee.  Even a few week you helped me find dress pants for my internship (what can I say, the only pants I have are in scrub form). I love it that you’re my older sister and my friend. You don’t know how highly I think of you, and often you think of me as judging you, but that’s only because I have these unrealistic high expectations of you that I shouldn’t have I guess. But I’m always going to expect the best of you, because you are the best.

Hope…just know that I’m always here. I’m always praying for you. I’m always loving you. I’m always wishing the best for you. I’m always happy for you in all your accomplishments.

So now your side of the closet is getting empty. Your books are packed away. I’ll act all tough, but you may get a wailing phone call a couple nights later.

Remember your first roommate and how awesome she was. Because she sure is going to miss you.

Love you Hopie.

Your little sister (and best friend forever…literally, forever. FOR.EV.ER.)

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A Single White Girl

I hate reading blogs about how to be single.  I don’t like it when girls will post “Jesus is My Valentine” on Valentines Day or clog Pinterest with “How To Be Single 101”, “10 Fun Thing To Do While Your Single”, “Solo Date Ideas” and “Being Single Isn’t a Status, It Means Your Strong & Independent”.

It’s like, thanks for giving me a list.  I’m glad to know there are 10 whole things a single person can do for fun.  It just seems that single people, woman to be more specific, find a way to either embrace singleness with a sort of defiance like “SCREW MEN!” type of attitudes and then others are like kidding themselves by saying “Oh, prince charming will come for me eventually”.

He’s not coming on a white steed because 1) Princes don’t exist (they do, but come on, they usually come in the form of party boy Prince Harry) and 2) Your not a princess. Stop kidding yourself.

Also being single isn’t some kind of “choice”, it’s just a circumstance we women find ourselves in that we either can accept with grace and poise or we can eye every eligible man we encounter with some kind of barbaric insanity because we have been labeled “single and alone”.

 

I’m not saying I have never said those two lines above…I have. A lot actually because there is some kind of humorous sarcasm behind it that means “I’m saying this because it could or could not be true…HAHA. Just kidding…or am I?”

Let’s have a moment of silence and a few tears because this dude doesn’t exist in real life.

You know what annoys me? Is when all of your friends are single, but then that one friend gets a boyfriend and you never see them again, and all of their posts on social media are based on the sole fact that so-so is in a relationship and look at those ADORABLE pictures and quoting song lyrics that just fit their relationship PERFECTLY.

I guess this post isn’t helping to prove my point, because I am the average single white girl who wants a boyfriend but doesn’t have one.

I’m embracing my singleness, but I’m not going to say I don’t want a boyfriend. I’m not going to say that if I wait long enough then he will just magically appear. Because like everything, you must give effort and to be honest, I’m not giving any effort right now.  Why? Because there is sort of big thing called “time”.  I’m a list person, and I’m not saying I can put “oh at so and so time I will get a boyfriend” because I know it doesn’t work like that.

I find saying “get a boyfriend” sounds shallow, it’s like “yep, going pick me one of those up at the store”. You know what? I’m just going to settle for a Tom-like attitude from Parks and Rec.

I’m single, but I am not alone.

YOU ARE AWESOME. Single, taken, waiting, being overly optimistic while waiting, or way to pessimistic. This Valentines Day eat those chocolates from yo Mom because she loves you and everyone else does and someday someone special will love you more then all those people combined.

Jesus isn’t your valentine, but He loves you way more then your Mom or future spouse. Don’t ever forget that.

Also, since it’s just another Valentines Day aka Singles Awareness Day.

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First Impressions.

Panda understands.
Panda understands.

It’s strange that I have lived in this area my entire life, but I suddenly feel like a stranger in the confines of downtown *insert city*. I’ve been a fan of my college football team since I was little. I’ve walked along these now not so familiar streets and felts fine up until now. I am carrying a backpack; I’m rushing from one class to the next. I’m a student of this large, intricate community called the University of *insert state* and I don’t know how I feel about it yet.

At my community college it wasn’t hard to fit into the small crevice I found myself in. It’s not hard now. Actually, it’s mostly the same. We still wait in the halls for class to start in silent nervousness. No one makes eye contact with each other on the streets. Class discussions are still forced rather then flowing. We are still just trying to get through these next couple years with as little damage to our grades as possibly. Yet…something feels different.

Maybe it’s just me.

Maybe my attitude has changed for the better. I realize that these last two years of college are extremely important.

Not because I need scholarships and good grades (all of which would be great to have) but because after this my future starts or stays the same.
I fear the word “same” and yet I still get nervous over the word “change” and fear the word “future” as much as I do the present. Because as much as I don’t like the present, I keep hoping toward this future that has something more then 8 hour shifts and working a job that doesn’t hold any of my interests except money.

As much as I love money, I realized quickly that money won’t make me happy, neither will my physical surroundings. It’s what’s inside that matters. What values I hold and what I believe in. How willing am I to live a life where I’m standing up for what is good instead of sitting down and staying silent?

The easiest is staying silent. That’s more comfortable, more safe. But I don’t want “comfortable”. I want to break out of this comfort zone that only goes a few feet out my front door.

These last two years are important because this is my time to build up my resume. To volunteers and get internships. I’m in the major, but that’s not enough. I have to pursue all of these things in order to proceed in the career path I’ve chosen.

I know I sound hopeful (maybe a little desperate). But let me tell you, I’m scared. But as much as I’m scared of this new school that I have grown up around my entire life…I want to succeed.

But first I have to try.

Back To School. Again.

Here we go again. The shuffling of papers, the “oh my goodness, do I have a test today?” moments of panic.

The awkward silences with your classmates, where your inner Jim wants to come out and stare at the camera that is documenting your oh so boring life…

The countless hours of  teachers lecturing you on things you don’t really care about…

You will go into self denial after every test, saying “if only I had enough time to study.”

Oh please…we all know you were watching Netflix.

At the beginning of finals you will overeat because of anxiety…

and then at the end you will eat for comfort…

Everyday you will wonder why you are doing this to yourself.

Until of course, you get an A on that test and then you get all like…

But then midterms come around…

But you know what? When your sitting in class day dreaming about throwing that one hundred dollar looseleaf textbook against that dry erase board with the teacher’s almost non-legible handwriting …

Just remember to hold it together until after finals.

But don’t forget…

Random Rambling

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Ah, life is good, and wonderful, and when your driving home late at night from work, thanking Jesus for such a wonderful and beautiful life, even though you had to work late, and your completely sore from all the lifting and bending you had to do that day, and even though your gas tank is almost empty again, even though you just filled it a couple days ago, your still completely happy.

Because I’m happy.  For no reason, just despite every worry and deep down fear, I am happy just because.

This week I went to the Mall of America, and shopped till the idea of looking at anything with a price tag was revolting.

I went to a concert in Downtown Minneapolis with OneRepublic, The Script, and American Authors.  I didn’t get any good pictures, and all of my videos are ruined by my horrible singing, and the camera is tilted the wrong way.

But that’s okay, because it was still the best concert I’ve ever been too, and I can’t even listen to “I Lived” by OneRepublic without crying my eyes out because I love them so much and want to go back to that Tuesday night and sing along with them again.

This is my only good picture of OneRepublic :(
This is my only good picture of OneRepublic 😦

When I got home on Wednesday, my sister and I went to a cafe downtown with our dear friend Kat, who is leaving for the summer and then going back to New York.

Then on Thursday, I had to work all day.  Which was fine…except I wanted to go outside and play in the rain, but of course, that isn’t acceptable behavior…especially when your at work.  So I sat and stuffed curly fries depressingly in my mouth while at lunch and yes…I used three packs of mayo for dipping sauce because ranch costs money and I already spent a dollar extra to put lettuce and tomato on my sandwich.

Not like you need to know that.

The next day I had to go to the hospital and do rehabilitation for my job, in which they make you watch a video on proper back care, and then you have to go down into the creepy basement of the building and lift and push things and do squats.

I’m still really sore.

Then I went to the mall with my mom and lil sister, and I was spontaneous and got doubles in my ears.  Waste of money? Probably.  Confidence boost? Yes.

Then I went to work.

And now we are back to the beginning of this rather drawn out and unnecessary post.

Another My Obsession post is in the works and who knows what else will happen.  Life is crazy busy right now.

~ Tru

Health Report

Yes, I am well aware that it is 1:00 AM.  Don’t judge me; I had two cups of coffee for no particular reason other then the fact that I wanted to…and I’m slightly hungry but too lazy to eat and I probably should go to bed.

Yeah, but who cares.

I’m just YOLO-ing it up these days and I decided that sleep isn’t necessary unless you are sick, which is what I basically spent my entire weekend doing.

Sleeping and being sick that is.

I had a cold/flu.

Just to let everyone know, waking up to the feeling of barf coming up your throat and reeling over the side of the couch at 5:00 AM is not what I call a good morning.  I know you don’t need specific details of me barfing, so I’ll spare you the mental image (if I haven’t already given you one that is).

So anyways, I missed two days of work and for the first time in forever (I know you were singing that song from Frozen in your head as you read that) I have four days off from everything.

It’s going to be so hard going back to work because I’m really enjoying not working. Who would of thought!

Despite the fact of barfing and having a sore throat and just feeling altogether awful and gross, I really enjoyed being sick. Like, I LOVE watching Netflix and sitting around in my PJs all day. I mean, that is seriously living the life for me.

I love being lazy way too much.  I love drinking Throwback Pepsi and eating soup and crackers.  I love sleeping in till 1:00 PM even if my entire day is basically gone by the time I wake up.

But alas! I can’t be sick forever, and being lazy won’t pay my bills (sadly, I really wish I did though).

Anyways, that was just a random health report for you all.  I’m sure you were all dying to know.

I apologize to all of the people that got sick because of me. I’ll try to quarantine myself next time 🙂

– Trudi

Okay is Okay

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I’ve been so busy, that I feel as if my life has become a metronome.  Bouncing back and forth in a steady, fast pace.  I’m trying to match the rhythm, but I’m not very good at it.   It’s boring to be honest and life has been going by too fast. I’m so busy focusing on the rhythm of the metronome that I don’t have time to enjoy the music.

I’m so busy going back and forth I can’t move forward.  Time just passes so quick that it’s impossible to step outside the rhythm.

But there are days that step outside the metronome.  The high notes interacting with the low ones.   The bright sunny days that make you feel as if the world is okay.  The days when you accomplish more then you expected.  That A on a test that proves to you that you’re smarter then you think.  Those moments of unexplainable joy that shout out into the void of monthly payments, minimum wage jobs and piles upon piles of homework, saying “life is more then a constant struggle.” because honestly, it feels that it is sometimes…the constant struggle to be better, think harder, and to be more then you can possibly be.

As sad as I am sometimes, life really isn’t so bad.  I didn’t say it was good but its okay. Maybe okay is enough, maybe to be just okay is our whim of hope, maybe it’s our fate.  Okay may be all that we are and ever will be.  I think it’s alright is we just settle for okay.  I know, why not try to settle for wonderful or even plain old good.  But let’s be honest, this is a sad world, full of sad people.  Being okay is fine.  We don’t need to be anything other then that.  I think we get so caught up in the act of finding complete and flawless happiness that we don’t realize the tiny bits of it that happen each day.  We cry, we laugh, we go through the motions.  One day is going to really tick you off and the next day is going to be sunshine and rainbows…and you know what? That’s okay.  It’s like I said before, life isn’t perfect but it wasn’t meant to be.   God created Adam and Eve and knew they would sin.  He knew that He would have to send His ONLY SON to die for us.

Though life at the moment may be a metronome, it’s a grand sweet song.  It may not be a number one hit on the Billboard Top 100 but that’s okay.  My song is the sighs of a classroom; the clicking of the register at work; the sound of the coffee pot dripping in the morning; my car that makes strange noises, and the silence in the house as I go to sleep.   It’s not amazing, nor wonderful…and I know it could be better, but right now it is what it is, and I’m okay with that.

Back to School.

School starts tomorrow.  In a way it feels like it’s time to go back.  Time to stay up till 2 AM studying for tests.  Time to write useless papers that you will probably hide under the stacks of textbooks that will never be opened again, and the notebooks full of scribbles and words that don’t make sense anymore but at one time did.

Long story short, it’s time to go back to stuffing our faces with food and sitting for long periods of time.

Who am I kidding.  I do that everyday.

But it will all be just fine.

Because you can’t replace that good old feeling of accomplishment and exhaustion after each semester.

~ Trudi