Back to School.

School starts tomorrow. In a way it feels like it’s time to go back. Time to stay up till 2 AM studying for tests. Time to write useless papers that you will probably hide under the stacks of textbooks that will never be opened again, and the notebooks full of scribbles and words that don’t make sense anymore but at one time did.

Long story short, it’s time to go back to stuffing our faces with food and sitting for long periods of time.

Who am I kidding. I do that everyday.

But it will all be just fine.

Because you can’t replace that good old feeling of accomplishment and exhaustion after each semester.

~ Trudi

Another Year (Just Another Day…)

There is 24 hours in a day, 60 minutes in an hour, and 60 seconds in a minute. If we really knew the depth of time, I don’t think we would waste it so carelessly. Unfortunately, seconds turn to minutes, hours turn to days, and days turn to weeks then months until suddenly it’s the New Year, and we look back and see how fast it all went by, and realize that every year is just going to go by faster as we get older.

When we are little, we don’t really have a concept of time. Time is based on when lunch is; when Arthur comes on PBS; when the side door to the garage creaks open and Dad’s home, and then that means supper. When I was little I had every shows time slot on PBS memorized: The Big Comfy Couch, Arthur, Mr. Rogers, Between the Lions, Dragons Tails and so forth. Time wasn’t so important back then. Only that hour of the day when it was time for the ten second tidy and clock exercises on The Big Comfy Couch with Loonette, and when Mr. Rodgers would feed his fish and have craft time.

Then suddenly you’re eighteen. You have your first car, your driving to work on a snowy day, paying bills that keep adding up, cashing checks, trying to get by, going to college, and wondering where on earth you’re going next. You suddenly don’t have enough time.

To be honest, we don’t have enough tomorrows, we never did…but as we get older, we learn to appreciate them more, yet we let them slip away into just “another day” anyways. Think about it. Yesterday will never come again. That last hour on this day, you will never get it back. That minute that just ticked off on the clock, will never be wound back. 2013 is gone…and we will never be able to live in it again.

2013 was good. I know that word is mediocre and is used way too much…but anything less or more wouldn’t do. Like every year, 2013 had its ups and downs. It was memorable that’s for sure. I wish I could keep all the memories in a box. All the secret jokes, and the laughter that made our sides hurt and tear up. I wish I had a snapshot of every time I felt like everything was right with the world; I just want to see what I was looking at and wonder why I felt that way. Maybe it was the time we sat by the bonfire on that cold autumn night and made s’mores. Maybe it was the time we were eating gold whales in the car and laughing so hard we couldn’t breathe. Maybe it was the time we went to that Korean BBQ and listened to 90s music on the way home. It was those little moments of insignificance that were the most special to me.

I wish I could go back sometimes, but the thing is…it’s good to move on, even from the good memories, it’s good to leave them in the past in order to make new ones.

So 2014, I don’t have any expectations or resolutions or predictions. I do have a prayer though. A prayer to God that no matter how much we stumble and fall, we will cling more and more to Him; through the worries and fears…have us give it all to You, Jesus. That even through the good, let’s not forget who we owe thanks too. When we wander to new places, may every trail lead us closer to You. Let’s remember that though this year will have chaos and become quite messy…there is hope in each new day, not just a New Year, of fresh starts and new beginnings.

Hope
Smiles from the threshold of (each day or) the year to come,
Whispering ‘it will be happier’…” – Alfred Tennyson

Much love,

~ Trudi

Be Still

Today is one of those days when I have great revelations about myself and then I end up in dire need of chocolate and sleep.

I realized over the years, especially today, that I am constantly trying to have more or be more. Why? Why can’t I be perfectly satisfied?

Well, today I was sitting in my car after a series of unfortunate events, and I realized that the picture that I have of myself in my head doesn’t match up to who I am. In the fact that I set unrealistic goals for myself and try to be someone I’m not.

Who am I? What makes Trudi, Trudi?

I’m not a genius, and I’m not eloquent. I stutter and get nervous when I’m called on in class. I don’t get perfect grades. I prefer to sit relaxing by the TV over a late night out with friends. I’m a hermit. I’m anti-social. I talk when I want to talk, and when I do I say something blunt, and sometimes rude. I’m not always the nicest person in the world, but I try to be. Sometimes. I’m weird. I stay up way too late and get up too early. I’m awkwardly shy and out of place most of the time; completely self-centered in thinking that everyone is starring and judging me. I’m Christian…but I fail at being one sometimes.

I’m being completely honest with you. I’m not going to sugar coat who I am. I’m a sorry sort of person that is a sinner saved by Mercy and Grace.

But I’m not satisfied. I keep looking for complete satisfaction, but I never can find it.

The truth is nothing is going to make me feel satisfied. I’m a cup always half-empty. But maybe that is how it should be. If I’m satisfied in this world then maybe something is wrong.

“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probably explanation is that we were made for another world.” – C.S. Lewis

I’m never going to be satisfied. That is the fact. Money, clothes, jobs, people, and everything else in between won’t quench my thirst. I think I blinded myself by thinking that I need be fully satisfied in this life. Ah, but I do need to be content. I need to be fully content in where I am and hopeful towards the future. But, most importantly, I need to trust God. I let my worries and fears cloud my judgement. I think I can do everything on my own and then suddenly I simply can’t. I’m only human. If I give my future over to Jesus, who already has it read and ready for me. What fear do I have? None. I tend to forget that.

Lord, still my soul. The fears, the worries, and the discontentment. Help me to be still and know that YOU are here. Help me to be satisfied in only You, and stop searching for complete satisfaction and gratification in people, position, or things because I will end up with nothing but emptiness.

Be still, my soul: the Lord is on thy side.
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.
Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.
Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heavenly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.

Be still, my soul: thy God doth undertake
To guide the future, as He has the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.
Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
His voice Who ruled them while He dwelt below.

I don’t know where I want to be, or where I’m going exactly. I do know that I’ll end up somewhere…if that is any consolation for myself. But I’m not scared or worried. Yes, at times I am, but not tonight. I’m at peace. I don’t need to know my future. There could be some huge plot twist or maybe the climax is at the end. Haha. I don’t know. But I don’t need to. That’s the beauty of not worrying and giving everything over to Jesus. He knows, and He’s got me covered.

Goodnight everyone!
~ Trudi

In The Now.

My life so far has been nothing but busy. I’m all over the place and wired on coffee. I’m already facing another busy week starting tomorrow, and the only thing that is keeping me motivated is that it will all end in about…6 weeks. Thanksgiving break is coming up, and then after that just a couple more weeks of school and then Trudi is going to be hibernate for five weeks until another semester full of bad weather begins.

Woohoo.

I’m seriously so hyper right now. Maybe it’s just the stress of two big assignment in one week coming up and the coffee.

Now, here is something totally random…but not really. I know I said I’m not obsessed with One Direction, and I’m not, trust me. But…

Aren’t they just too darn cute???

Last night I watched Titanic. Every time I get anxiety and just want to go cry in a corner. Mostly because Jack dies. Isn’t that awful? A gigantic ship goes down after hitting an ice berg and I’m bawling my eyes out because Leonardo DiCaprio froze to death. Rose didn’t deserve him. Yet, I feel that way about every female lead that gets some cute, sweet guy. That movie just tears me to pieces in general though. Such an awful event. This movie and Pearl Harbor make me cry every time.

Anyways, I am going to go eat supper now. Have a wonderful week everyone!

My Infinite Obsession

Okay, so like any normal girl, I tend to be…obsessed with certain things. Not like it’s bad to like stuff. A lot. But I tend to take it to extremes…maybe not as bad as some people, but nevertheless, I am a fangirl.

What is a fangirl? It’s kind of like a disease, plaguing the minds of girls in their tween to late twenties, and should be classified as a disorder for some. I suppose you have heard of that band called One Direction, right? Maybe you haven’t…if you haven’t you probably don’t have the internet, which means you probably won’t be reading this…
One Direction consist of five ~~lovely~~ boys of the names Harry, Louie, Zayne, Liam, and Niall. To be honest, I have a favorite among the group, but for fear for my life I won’t say. But, I’m not obsessed with them…which is funny, because I normally get obsessed with a lot of things but because every teenage girl is obsessed with this band, I decided to not be. Yeah, I’m lookin at you, you thirteen year old girl, screaming and crying over a picture of food that Niall tweeted an hour ago. Pull yourself together! To be honest (because I’m all about honesty today), these fangirls are proud to be completely crazy. They weep and moan over twitter because Harry ignores their tweets that they send every minute on repetition; they get angry when someone insults their fan base; they cry out for war when one of these boys ends up in a relationship…say with T-Swift. It’s sad.

But anyways, enough of this. This post is the start of a series of posts called “My Obsession” which will be posts on my past and present obsessions.

Now, what am I obsessed with today? Today that obsession goes out to the band Infinite.

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Yes, this is a Kpop group. But infinitely times better than One Direction (see what I did there?) and I don’t even understand Korean. They sing AND dance. They dance so good that it makes me want to cry…but I don’t.

If you don’t like them after that then I’ll have to play the L card.

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Isn’t he adorable? And yes, I do have a cup with his face on it, and no, that isn’t creepy at all. His actual name is Kim Myung Soo, but for some reason once you enter the Kpop world you have to change your entire identity from head to toe. Yes, I watched a documentary and no, I’m not talking about plastic surgery. Geez.

I have a Korean Obsession that has been going strong for the last year, so don’t be surprised when you find Korean things popping up here and there. Stop by my Pinterest board to see more…

Korean Obsession

Have a great week! More obsessions to come!

~ Trudi

Happiness.

Happiness…is simplicity.
When you finish that dreaded biology exam.
When you’re singing at the top of your lungs in the car with the radio blaring (even though people are probably starring at you).
When the leaves are turning colors and it’s slightly chilly out.
When you go to Starbucks and the lady spells your name right (okay, she asked how it was spelled…but it still made me happy).
When you walk out of school on a Thursday night knowing the weekend has started.

Is that what happiness is? Is happiness really that simple?

I wonder if the world has elevated happiness to a level where it can’t be reached. Yes, happiness is one of the many words that we have made too complicated for us to grasp. We become dissatisfied with the word because we watch movies and read books all about happiness and we’re just left empty inside because we don’t know where to find that kind of happiness.

But that’s just it; we think we have to find it.

Happiness is a butterfly, which when pursued, is always just beyond your grasp, but which, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you – Nathaniel Hawthorne

I don’t think that happiness is a destination that we have to find. Happiness is a feeling, rather fleeting at times, but that is what happiness is. We can’t hold onto it and carry it around with us all the time. Nobody and nothing is going to make us happy. It’s what we make inside ourselves. When we sit down quietly, it will alight upon us like a butterfly, but trust me, once you move the butterfly will fly away. That’s what happiness is, it’s just a flutter that comes and goes.

~ Trudi

Goodbye Seventeen.

Whenever my birthday was about to roll around the corner when I was young, I would start planning months ahead of time and my birthday list would be a mile long.
Not anymore. Its kind of sad really. Birthdays just aren’t as exciting as they used to be…and I know the reason is all because of me. Yes, I’m the culprit. I woke up this morning and it just felt like another day. I went to school, I came home, I did my homework. We did the usual rituals of blowing out the candles, singing happy birthday, opening presents and then it was over. Done.

But, as I was sitting down to blow out my eighteen candles and my family was singing really off key, I began to realize something. I don’t know if I was just too giddy about opening presents all these years and not paying attention, but I’m loved so-so-so much. Yes, I already knew that, but every year my family has taken the time to make my birthday special. They spoil me and treat me like a princess every single year, and as we were all sitting down together eating supper, I felt content, happy, and safe. God gave me the family I needed…and they are the only family I’ll ever want.

Tomorrow it will probably hit me. I’ll probably think about how old I am getting and how I’ll never be seventeen again and that every minute that goes by I’m only getting older. That’s just me. But right now, I’m happy.

My Life Right Now.

My life right now is full of papers, sticky notes, coffee, exams, and teachers that are out to get me. The emotional roller coaster I go through every week is exhausting, and by the time Friday finally gets here, I can’t even look at that bright blue backpack propped up against the bookshelf. I shake my head and wonder why I wanted to go to college so badly…but, I don’t know where else I would rather be at the moment…so I keep pressing on.

Although at first I was plagued by fear of my Russian piano teacher, I’m enjoying playing piano again. It’s actually nice to have something easy and familiar along with all my difficult (I won’t say hard) classes.

So, on this rainy, dreary day, I’m going to make some more coffee and *maybe* do homework. I’m going to revise my critical synthesis, overflowing with sloppy handwriting and students opinions (gotta love peer review). Maybe I’ll go for a walk, because one thing I’ve learned in college is that sitting is actually really hard on the body. No joke.

Who am I kidding? I’m not going to go on a walk. I’m too lazy. Walking across the street to McDonalds was hard enough that one day.

Well, this is my life right now.

Things to look forward to this month:
A review (by yours truly) of Divergent by Veronica Roth!
A birthday post. Yes, somebody is officially going to be an “adult” next week.
And much more! Have a great weekend everybody!

~ Trudi