It’s strange that I have lived in this area my entire life, but I suddenly feel like a stranger in the confines of downtown *insert city*. I’ve been a fan of my college football team since I was little. I’ve walked along these now not so familiar streets and felts fine up until now. I am carrying a backpack; I’m rushing from one class to the next. I’m a student of this large, intricate community called the University of *insert state* and I don’t know how I feel about it yet.
At my community college it wasn’t hard to fit into the small crevice I found myself in. It’s not hard now. Actually, it’s mostly the same. We still wait in the halls for class to start in silent nervousness. No one makes eye contact with each other on the streets. Class discussions are still forced rather then flowing. We are still just trying to get through these next couple years with as little damage to our grades as possibly. Yet…something feels different.
Maybe it’s just me.
Maybe my attitude has changed for the better. I realize that these last two years of college are extremely important.
Not because I need scholarships and good grades (all of which would be great to have) but because after this my future starts or stays the same.
I fear the word “same” and yet I still get nervous over the word “change” and fear the word “future” as much as I do the present. Because as much as I don’t like the present, I keep hoping toward this future that has something more then 8 hour shifts and working a job that doesn’t hold any of my interests except money.
As much as I love money, I realized quickly that money won’t make me happy, neither will my physical surroundings. It’s what’s inside that matters. What values I hold and what I believe in. How willing am I to live a life where I’m standing up for what is good instead of sitting down and staying silent?
The easiest is staying silent. That’s more comfortable, more safe. But I don’t want “comfortable”. I want to break out of this comfort zone that only goes a few feet out my front door.
These last two years are important because this is my time to build up my resume. To volunteers and get internships. I’m in the major, but that’s not enough. I have to pursue all of these things in order to proceed in the career path I’ve chosen.
I know I sound hopeful (maybe a little desperate). But let me tell you, I’m scared. But as much as I’m scared of this new school that I have grown up around my entire life…I want to succeed.
But first I have to try.
My Awkward Little Corner 