20.

It’s kind of strange.  Just a little…maybe a lot. When you get to the age of thirteen you feel old and “mature” (whatever that word means anymore).  You think your teen years are going to be the ones you remember the most; they are the “glory days” I suppose of ones life.   

I’m closing out the second decade of my life, and my teen years, and all I can think is that this really isn’t a big deal. It’s just another day.  It’s just another year to put in the book called life and start a new chapter called twenty.

When nineteen started, I really just wanted to enjoy my last year as a “teen”, but I came to the conclusion, not far into my nineteenth year, that my teenage years were far behind me. 

When I think of twenty, I think it sounds cruel.  I don’t like getting older, but then again, it’s a privilege that many are denied…and maybe, I should be more thankful and happy for the start of another year. 

I should embrace it and be joyful instead of being in this depressed sort of state. 

Every year I look on without expectation; I know it holds a lot of good and a lot of bad…but mostly Jesus, and a lot of grace, mercy, forgiveness, and love. 

Because if I learned anything from nineteen, it’s that I need Jesus and all of His care more then anything or anyone else.

And sometimes I forget that I am loved, forgiven and safe in His arms.  You forget that too, don’t you? We overthink; we see too many of our flaws; we question every life decision ever made; we forget to swallow are pride before we take a fall, and we don’t realize that we must think of ourselves less not less of ourselves. 

That was me in nineteen and I realized, that tomorrow, when I’m twenty…I’ll still be the same. Because after two decades, I’m still me.  A birthday isn’t going to change that, neither will a year, or a decade. 

So tomorrow is twenty.  God, thank You for the privilege of getting older. 

I hope that the next year I will show more compassion, love, forgiveness and grace like You.  Help me to become more of a reflection of You with each passing day. Help me to swallow my pride and anger when it comes to the surface.  Help my heart dear Jesus, to not get caught on things, places or people that will not satisfy it.  

I’m not going to ask for twenty to be my best year yet.  But I will ask this…

To have twenty be what twenty is meant to be for me. 

But I can’t forget that while I’m starting a new year called twenty, I am also saying goodbye to nineteen, and boy, what a year it has been.  Thank You Jesus, for all the gifts of friendship You have given me this year that I know will last a lifetime.  Thank You.  I can’t say it enough, but I’ll say it again, THANK YOU.  

Nineteen ended up being exactly what it was meant to be just like every other year.  The tears and heartaches to the love and warm embraces.  If I can take anything away from nineteen is that I truly have a life that is well beyond what I deserve, and Jesus, Thank You.

Love,

Trudi