Threshold

Another year is coming to a close.

How can everything be so different yet so much the same?

As much that has happened this year, there really isn’t much to say about it.

365 days have gone by and yet…I am still me.  Socially awkward and temperamental Trudi.

I feel like as soon as the clock strikes midnight I will lose something.

The sense of security, perhaps? You get so comfortable in the year that you are in that before you know it, it’s time to say goodbye.

But I can’t say I’ll miss it.  The next year is full of such mystery, enticing me to come hither. Maybe that is what makes 2015 (and every other new year) so exciting.  The unknown of it all.

It’s a little frightening.

But I know everything will be okay.  That is the hope that we cling to.  That no matter how screwed up and messy life gets, it will all be okay in the end.

Oh, life is so unutterable sweet sometimes and then it’s in the “depths of despair” and then it’s okay again and then nothing happens and then everything happens at once.

I feel as if I’m on the threshold of something and I don’t know what it is. All the dust is crowding on all the things that I loved.  I feel as if adolescence is truly behind me and now I’m an adult.  I’m stepping into an empty room and I’m not sure what to put there.

So much hope springs from the unknown.  The idea of greatness; the expectation that softens the blow as reality hits.

All these sweet, sad goodbyes are making me nostalgic.  All the times I spent mulling over my future plans, I didn’t really enjoy the year as much as I should have.  I forgot to make more memories.  Instead I was too busy trying to achieve all these goals.  Trying to be all impressive when in the end I only ended up straining myself and falling into anxiety and stress.

I guess, as I step over this threshold and the clock strikes midnight…I’m not going to wish for a better year, but a better me.  The only thing I can change is myself.

So, I’ll raise my sparkling glass of grape juice to the New Year and I’ll see you all in 2015.

“Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one.”- Brad Paisley